Love You All My Life
by IceBlueRose
Summary: Xander makes a promise to Anya as he remembers. Post Chosen.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. If I did, I probably would've ended it differently and then writing this fic wouldn't be possible. But that's just if I owned it. Obviously, since I'm writing this, I don't. But I can dream.  
  
A/N: Okay this takes place after Chosen. So, yes, it's gonna be sad or a little sad. Or it will be if I did my job right. This starts out with Xander remembering and then moves into his thoughts after. The song is "If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield. Thanks to LadyRaye (go read and review her stories, they're good!) for helping me get the dialogue for the season seven episodes. Hope you like it. And, please, review!  
  
~ ~ are for the song lyrics. * * are for flashbacks.  
  
Xander stood on top of the roof of a building in Los Angeles, staring off in the direction of where Sunnydale had once stood. His expression held no other emotion but pain and sorrow. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought of the day that Anya had asked him to the prom, four years ago.  
  
~If you're not the one Then why does my soul feel glad today? If you're not the one Then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine Then why does your heart return my call? If you were not mine Would I have the strength to stand at all?~  
  
*Xander stared down at Anya in disbelief as she told him that she hated all men and that she didn't have a date to the prom. "Gee, could it be your sales pitch?" he asked, sarcastically. Anya stared at him as if he were an idiot.  
  
"Men are evil. So will you go with me?" Anya stared at him expectantly. Xander shifted and stared at her as they went through some more of the witty banter. Finally, Anya burst out with,  
  
"I know you're attracted to me. I've seen you staring at my breasts!" Xander smiled nervously.  
  
"I hate to break it to you but when a guy is doing that, it just means that his eyes are open."  
  
"Oh whatever!" Anya blurted, frustrated. "Do you want to go with me or not?"*  
  
~I'll never know what the future brings But I know you're here with me now. We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I spend my life with.~  
  
*Anya stared up at Xander, sadness in her eyes and a frown on her face. He was going to stay. Stay and try to stop the Ascension, which meant that he would probably die.  
  
"When I think of something happening to you, it feels bad inside. Like I might vomit." she told him softly. He didn't change his mind. If anything he seemed more determined. And it probably didn't help when she said that he wasn't going to be a big help and would probably die anyway. Anya watched as Xander angrily walked away.  
  
"No goodbye kiss?" she called after him, puzzled. He didn't respond.*  
  
~I don't want to run away, But I can't take it. I don't understand. If I'm not made for you Then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?~  
  
The first time he had realized that he really cared about Anya seemed so long ago. It had been recently after their argument about whether or not he really cared for her. A small smile appeared on his face as he remembered the different reactions of Spike and Giles. The smile faded almost immediately at the thought of Spike. He hadn't always liked the vampire but by the end.well, by the end, Spike had proven that he wasn't really a bad guy.  
  
The two "demons" of the group. Now they were both gone. They had died saving the world from the First and now that it was over, now that it had sunk in that Anya was really gone, Xander was lost. He didn't know what to do.  
  
~If I don't need you, Then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you, Then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me, Then why does this distance maim my life? If you're not for me, Then why do I dream of you as my wife? I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this much is true, We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I spend my life with. And I wish that you could be the one I die with, And I pray that you're the one I build my home with. I hope I love you all my life.~  
  
The night that they were going to go fight Glory. Xander let a sad smile cross his face as he remembered Anya's reaction to his marriage proposal. She had slapped him, thinking he was asking only because he thought they were going to die and he wouldn't have to go through with the wedding. She had been so happy when he had convinced her that that wasn't the reason. Then he hadn't gone through with it after all. And he had lost Anya.  
  
~I don't want to run away, But I can't take it. I don't understand. If I'm not made for you, Then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I could stay in your arms,~  
  
Xander took a deep breath as he remembered Anya's words to him during the time that Andrew had gone video camera crazy.  
  
*Xander turned to Anya on the couch. "I mean, you were the one who didn't want to keep seeing each other." Anya stared back at him, her eyes widening a little as she frowned.  
  
"And here's where we hop on the merry-go-round of knives. I blame you and you blame me and we both end up cut to shreds. Please just tell me.do you still love me?" she asked, her voice breaking as if she were going to start crying. Xander stared at her tenderly, nodding.  
  
"Yes, I still love you. I always will. I just don't know if that means anything for us anymore."  
  
"Well, I still love you too. I don't know if that means anything either." Anya told him, her voice full of sadness.  
  
"Well, that's nice to hear." Xander replied. His voice was full of the same tenderness that his eyes had been full of just moments ago. "I'm not going to find anyone out there like you, am I?" Anya smiled a little sadly.  
  
"Doesn't seem likely."  
  
"I guess I'm more replaceable, obviously." Xander said. Anya shook her head.  
  
"No. There's no one like you, Xander. You were willing to stand up to danger, even when your hands had no weapons. You were ready to protect me with your life." Anya told him, her voice full of wonder at the prospect, as she assured him that he definitely wasn't replaceable. Xander gazed at her, his smile sad once again.  
  
"I guess we fit together pretty good." he said, his voice soft. Anya smiled.  
  
"We fit together great."  
  
"You know, sometimes I want you back in my life."  
  
"I hope you know you never left my heart." Anya told Xander, her voice and gaze tender.*  
  
~'Cause I miss you, body and soul So strong that it takes my breath away, And I breathe you into my heart, And pray for the strength to stand today, 'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right, And though I can't be with you tonight, You know my heart is by your side.~  
  
Xander closed his eyes, his breath shuddering out, as the most painful memory of them all overcame him. His breath started coming in fast pants and he knew that if he didn't calm his breathing down soon, he'd be hyperventilating. But even when he managed to slow his breathing down, the pain of grief came and almost brought him to his knees.  
  
*Xander stared at Andrew. In his gut, he knew the answer. But he had to ask.  
  
"Did you see?" he asked. Andrew looked at him, tears in his eyes.  
  
"I was scared. I'm sorry."  
  
Xander was ruthless as he persisted. He didn't care how it made him seem. He pushed Andrew harder. "Did you see what happened? Was she." Xander trailed off, searching Andrew's face. The answer was there in his eyes.  
  
"She was incredible. She died saving my life." Andrew told him tearfully. Xander's smile was sad as he put a hand on Andrew's shoulder.  
  
"That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing."*  
  
~I don't want to run away, But I can't take it, I don't understand. If I'm not made for you, Then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?~  
  
Xander looked back in the direction of Sunnydale again. Slowly a single tear rolled down his cheek. Just as the answer had been there in Andrew's eyes, the answer to the question that Anya had once asked him was there inside of himself.  
  
"I, Alexander Harris, take you, Anya Jenkins, to be my lawfully wedded wife, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for all the days of my life." Xander whispered, changing the last part of the vow. Xander paused, before he continued. "I love you, Anya.I always will." He stopped once more before saying one last thing out loud, a promise to Anya that he had once decided not to make.  
  
"I do." 


End file.
